Im still a teenager and I was raised in a church and went to school at a church and i was verry fortunate to grow up in such a great place of God and im not even in high school yet. As all teenagers do we tend to get off track most of the time. I lost sight of what was really important in my life and i focused on unimportant things. I soon realized that all those things i was chasing after was to fill a hole but when i totaly gave all my life to christ and I decided to put my life in his hands i felt like this huge burden was lifted off my shoulders. then I saw that all those things that I strived for didnt even compare to the Joy and peace i got from the love of Christ. and for everybody out there in the world.. I know we are in troubled times but never forget to be strong and corageous do not be terrified do not be descouraged for the lord your God is with you wherever you go so GO and make disiples of all nations! Trust in God and he will be with you no matter what. Now Im Free through Christ!

My name is Julie. I grew up in a very dysfunctional home as a child. My father raped and abused me. I became pregnant with his children and he killed one of them. I was heart broken at the age of 12. I only knew a life of coutless miscarriages, pregancy, sexual and physical abuse from various people in my life. The loss I felt from losing those babies nearly broke my heart. I walked away from my family about 8 years ago. I remembered and confronted them on the abuse and they never took any responsibility. I am forchunate I never had an addiction problem to alcohol like my mother did. My parents did not know how to show love and affection at all yet I have a deep passion for people. I blocked out most of my childhood and I had difficulty with relationships with the opposite sex. I had fear to trust them that they would do what my whole family did to me. I could never imagine doing this to a child. I was put in the most difficult situation by a man as he abused me and his children with my body to theirs. It made me feel so defiled and now I have an area of concern after reporting child abuse on a vulnerable screenings. I walked away from a job because I was afraid to face the employer that they would judge me the way the police did. The pain I have felt has been incredible. I am facing that pain now.
I gave my life to Christ when I was sixteen and walked away for 6 years. I thought I wasn't worthy of Jesus because of what my family did to me. My heart was so broken inside. Jesus got ahold of my heart as I moved from one place to another. It is a miracle that I am alive today given the past I carry. God has always put in me the need to do the right thing. I needed to report that abuse with those children to protect them. Now God has been spending time with me giving me the ability to sob tears of a lost and broken childhood. Jesus put a desire in me for his purity. I want the purity so bad that was taken from me during my childhood. I have had to let go of my friends in the present to get control of areas of sin in my life. I must honour my mind and body with what I watch. I want to be close to the cross more than anything and I thank God I can cry today and let go of the past.
God gave me a heart for prayer and for the poor and people of different cultures. God gave me a heart for Hispanic people especially Mexican and Colombian people. I have been attending a church where I am from and have been ministering to the people. I have been giving bilingual bibles to spanish speaking so they can learn english. I love sharing God's word with people. I love these broken people. God gave me a dream of a city in Mexico named Queretaro. I am not sure what that is all about. I also came across a orphanage named Pan de Vida. Maybe I can give back to those abandonned children. I will pray for them.
I have been taking english courses to teach english as a second lanugage and I enjoy helping people learn english. I think in the future God will guide me down a road where I can help others find hope and peace.
Jesus saved my life and I owe it to him for the incredible price he paid for my sins to live an honouring life for Him. I want to surrender every area of my life so I can live a pure and obedient life. Jesus bless you and thank you for reading my testimony. god bless you.

As I lay on my bunk at the Smith County low-risk facilities in Tyler, TX one hot July evening in 2006, The Lord gave me the words and music for this song. I was a "guest" there, so to speak, awaiting sentence because of a recent DWI charge, my third. The title for the song was WHILE THERE IS TIME, which eventually became the title for a whole CD project I later recorded.
God was merciful in my situation. The charge was dropped from a felony DWI to a misdemeanor because my first DWI in 1981 was deferred adjudicated. I had already spent six months in jail, thinking I was going to do prison time eventually. But God had other plans for me. When I finally got to court, the judge pronounced a "time served" sentence, along with no fines and no court costs! I was free!
I had previously made arrangements to go to Calvary Commission, a ministry in Lindale, TX that provides a discipleship training program for ex-offenders. After my prison time had been completed, this was where my new life was going to begin. So, when I was released from jail, without having to go to prison, I contacted the Dean of Admissions and told him of how God had turned the situation around. A few weeks later, Calvary Commission became my new home.
During my one year stay at this wonderful ministry, The Lord healed me of my past hurts, delivered me from a hardened heart, and restored my spiritual condition. Also, I met a beautiful woman who eventually became my wife. Vicki Harrison (hailing from Portsmouth, New Hampshire), was the Residence Coordinator for The Refuge, Calvary Commission's discipleship training facility for women recently released from prison. We met and got to know one another while ministering at a Mardi Gras outreach in Galveston, TX. On March 6, 2008, we were married.
This is just one of many examples of how God will take what Satan meant for harm and turn it around for our good and His Glory!
Hallelujah!
Kelly Perkins

hi im 16 years old. and today is September 11 ,2008 .
i was born in Honduras, moved here to the states when i about 8 years old. most of my child hood i dont remember, i dont know why but i just dont. all i know is that i was raised in a christian home, and my parents gave me everything they could to make my life batter then their life was and it was great for a while until, i started to wonder other things. like about girls and sex, and all this things kids wonder about...but i never actually talked to my parents about how i felt b/c i always felt like my dad was going to be disappointed in me and i didnt want to do that to him b/c he had high standards for me b/c of all he had given me and all the church things that i did. as you can tell my parents are very religious. about when i was 12 i started to wonder things that i have heard at school about boys&girls kissing and stuff like that...eventually i started to wonder on my on about stuff like that, and i knew my parents would not be happy if they knew i was spending my time not doing what i was suppose to do. any ways by the age 13 i've tried cigarettes and weed. every since then i havnt been caught or gotten in trouble for anything to do w/ drugs, and i knew if my parents found out that ive done stuff like that they would be so disappointed in me, b/c i know better than to fall into peer pressure, but it wasnt peer pressure . it was curiosity. ever since then ive been causing trouble... b/c i wanted to find out more, and it felt like my parents were hiding me from the real world. so i was responsible about my drug use at first until it started getting me in trouble. i started to see why other kids did what they did, and wanted to be cool. eventually i started hanging out w/ older people and doing stupid stuff, well the first time ever hung out w/ this dude named "A.J."...was the first time i started to disappoint my parents. i ened up on probation for being in a stolen car w/ "A.J.", and that was stupidest thing i've ever done but it got me started not following house rules and stop going to church. and stop being part of the family. i hated every on that believed in God b/c i didnt like the things that my parents said ,b/c of this religion so...i began a long journey to destruction, and i thought i had it under control...basically today on September 11,2008. i have found god once more...and it was so hard to realize that i've had a drug problem for over 3 years and its been destroying my family and me...especially my future...
i say this b/c today is" my day of judgment"...its that day for me b/c this is were my life has been at worst w/ god & family until today at 3:31 am. i felt empty and nothing...like ive wasted my life.
today could be my last day to see everything i love crumble down and i have wronged my family so much that they should hate me right now but they still show me love. but i found God...and not only found him, I let him mold me and take my life and make it to what he wants me to be...see the reason i had to realize that i needed help was b/c i've been on probation for almost 3 years and i've never been caught for my drug abuse which is the reason to my family problems and i keep getting int trouble..so today is my day to come clean, and let God work on me. its my last chance on this earth...my life is in gods hands...
i just want you to pray for me...i know im not as bad as some others might eneded up like but i thank the lord that i didnt have to go that far to know what i've done wrong. and i just ask for forgivness for the rest of my life . that i may serve him to the extent of my abilities. "and if i should die before i wake , i pray to the lord my soul to keep!"

I was born into this world, a product of adultery. My mother was murdered when I was 5 months old. I was raised by a physically sick dad and mentally sick step-mom. I was abused... physically, sexually, and mentally. I grew up with the feeling of unworthyness. I was nothing... or so I thought. I received God at 12 years old but only recently really shook his hand. All the dirt, all the shame and heartache was taken away. I finally have peace in my life. I can finally go to bed at night and rest without fear of condemnation. I pray every day, several times sometimes, but no longer have bloody knees. I KNOW God hears me now. I am no longer that little scared girl that did anything to feel loved and accepted. I no longer care what people think of me. I know my Father in Heaven loves me because I will always be his child. I love God. I love the peace I now have and pray everyday that all I know will have what I have. I might live in a trailer now but one day I will have a mansion in Heaven. AMEN. God Bless You All.

okay, so my life just SCREAMS how fast God can change a life.
my testimony starts in grade 5. This is the grade where I was first introduced to ... ography. At this time in my life i wasn't a Christain, i went to church, but i didn't have Him in my heart. So after i became introduced to ... , i was slowly getting addicted. and by 6th grade i was hooked. I attended my church camp that year, and i accepted God as my Lord and Savior. Well, i was still doing the ... thing. I went to my church camp the NEXT year, and after coming back home, i felt the wierdest feeling ever. I felt the God wanted me to go into vocational ministry. Now, i am not a very good speaker. i talk REALLY fast, and i mumble and slur my words, so when God asked me to do that, i said, no way dude! You're crazy to think i can get up in front of people and talk about you. I spent a month battling with the call. when finally i came home one day, and my mom had bought my sister and I new Study Bibles. so i crack my open, just to the first page it falls open to, and guess what story landed right infront of my face... Exodus 3. Moses and the Burning Bush. and sat there and read every word of chapters 3 and 4 in exodus, and I called my youth pastor and told him i felt like God was telling me to become a minister. and he said that he would pick me up at my house before school, and take me to McDonalds, and we would talk about it. so he came to my house, and we ate at McDonalds, and we talked, and then he took me to school. well I kinda do somethings for the church, but it's not what i feel God is wanting me to do, so i just sorta wait it out. but i am still doing ... . well my eighth grade year, i skip church camp to stay home and play baseball, but that is the year my parents discover my problem, and they slowly help me out of it, but an addiction is a hard thing to break. so i go into high school next year, and i am becoming a bigger influence in my church. well I go on our fall retreat. and i have a BIG step foward in my faith, but then a BIGGER step backwards. it's just ways of how the enemy retaliates... but my dad and i got into a HUGE fight. i can honestly say he was the first person i have EVER hated. my own dad. i was to the point of running away. that's how bad this was. running away at age 14. this was just before Christmas. but this time it WASN'T the best time of year. when i got back, i actually attempted to leave. but we eventually worked things out, but i still don't talk to him like i used to. there just isn't enough trust there... but anyways.
so i was talking to my youth leader one day, and he asked me if i wanted to give a sermon, cause i had been asking about talking for sometime now, and of course i jumped right on the opporatunity. so i gave my sermon over loving your neighboor. and it went SOOOOOOO good. i had just turned 15. it was a great feeling. but later on in the year, camp gets closer and closer. and about two weeks before our camp. i have a MAJOR break down with two of my best friends. well i just feel like life isn't worth living anymore. so i go into my kitchen, grab a butchers knife, press the tip to my chest ready to pull it into my heart, when something tells me to look down, and what do i see hanging around my neck? a cross necklass that my mom got me for my birthday. i drop the knife, hit my knees bawling, and just start praying for help. now the scary thing is that about 4 days earlier, my necklass was broken, i had gotten it back on the friday before all of this. it happened on a monday. my life was hinged on something to close to me not having. so i go to church camp two weeks later. and i talk to my youth leader. i tell him EVERYTHING. the ... the suicide. and he helped me with the ... by just talking me through all my problems, but then the conversation kinda switched tracks to the suicide, and he YELLED at me about it. and it was the best thing ever. he was yelling at me, "Steven, that is STUPID. God has SOOOO many great things planed for you. don't through that away over two stupid girls." and i mean it was a wake up call. which i desperatly needed. so i have forgotten abotu the ... . no longer addicted. suicide is a thing of the past. my dad and i are better, but i still don't talk to him about certain things. and i love God more then ever. i was cm away from being six feet in the ground. and that is WAY to close for a 15 year old to be. i am a leader in my church and my community. i try my best to lead by example. words can't begin to describe how much i owe to God. i love Him more than anything. thanks for reading. hope i have helped someone.
Steven Baldwin
Age 15

Dear readers, dear Paul,
I'd be happy to testify of our saving God.
My story starts when I'm in grade 7. By then I had some friends, and we really had a big fight, which was kind of my fault. Later I realized I should ask for forgiveness, so I did, but they wouldn't forgive me. It struck me real hard, and so more and more I started to feel bad about myself. My self-esteem was down to 0. I really thought life hurts, and I hurt life, and I rather wanted to die. This was a period of a few months. Then suddenly, once upon a time, I was crying in my room, and right then God hit me hard. He told me He loves me, and that He thinks I'm special, He wants me to live. I told Him I'd live, just coz' He asked. A months later I was still living the very same life, and I realized that I couldn't live on like this. Like I couldn't go any longer, and I decided to search for God, because He searched for me. And in december 2004 I and He found each other. He really showed me I was in the position to call Him Father. "His Spirit testifies with our spirit that we are children of God."
I'm 17 years old right now, so it's like 3 and a half years later. I'm growing in grace and faith, and God is preparing me for a future as a missionary. May His great Name, worthy of awe, be praised all among the nations, may His loving kindness fill the earth.
I will boast in the Lord, my God. I will boast in the One Who's worthy! I will make my boast in Christ alone.
Alinda, the Netherlands

Early this year in January my 18 month old son was getting ear infections repetitively .He was on antibiotics every 3 weeks .When we went to the spe ... t ear doctor he then diagnosed brayden with fluid in his ear and this caused issues with Braydens hearing test as well. So anyway the spe ... t said that he needed grommets in both ears and booked him into hospital for surgery/and booked the anesthetist because Brayden had to be put asleep for this. I could not accept this decision I felt heavy hearted so I decided to go for healing masses because I had no doubt that the lord would help and I kept goin and Pastor kept on praying over him. As days went by I saw a huge improvement his cold had left, his cough had gone and wasn’t touching his ears any more.. still kept going for healing and today the 23rd of may I went to get Brayden immunized and asked them to check his ears and they gave me all clear……… the heavily blocked ears with fluid has all gone praise to you lord. Thank you so very much. .
Anushka & Thushan Fernando

Before giving my life to Christ I wanted to live my life, my way.
I did what I wanted to do; I was in control of my life, not my parents, not God, not any one. What came from having this type of attitude; I had a lot of problems in my life, like depression and almost committing suicide.
I hated anything and everything about God, and wanted nothing to do with Him. But yet, God; who I did not want in my life, He wanted to be in mine. I'm grateful to be healthy, to be alive, to know true happiness, to know peace I never knew existed, and to have Freedom. I’m free to be me, free not to care about what anyone thinks or says about me; free to walk around with satisfaction of knowing I will live, free to know that when I die, I will go to Heaven to be with my King and to spend all eternity in His presence.
Most people plan for their future, I never did, because I never thought I would have one. When I had a heart attack; I thought I was too young. When I had a second heart attack I knew something was wrong. When I had irregular heart beats, and pain in my heart I knew it was time to give my life to Jesus Christ. I gave my life to Jesus Christ because no one could explain to me what was happening; I expected to die so I figured I mind as well know that I would go to Heaven and not to Hell.
The day I had my heart attack; I could not breathe, my heart rate was getting faster and faster, I felt faint, I became dizzy. I fought to stay awake long enough to call my dad and ask him to pray for me. In my heart I knew if I had passed out I would not have woke up. My dad prayed for me but it wasn't what I expected. My heart rate started slowing down, I was able to breathe, and no longer felt faint.
God saved my life, he even kept me from committing suicide. I want to show people all over the world that regardless what they are going through, no matter how big or how small, God if you allow Him can deliver you from it and set you free!!!

Hi my name is maria and I am 27 years old ..I have been a christian since november 2004 ...
before I meet jesus I lived in a very dark situation
I grow up in a family with alcoholic problems and I was often scared
When I was ten years old me and my brouther saw our mouther be asulted for the first time .. We try to call for help but nobody hear us .. I begin to feel like a outsider in school I though that everyone though that I was diffrent and ugly .. I couldent leave my home without make up.. at two times i try to find help to a psykolog but of some reason i have to wait in 3 month to come .. but when they ask me to come .. I allready been saved by jesus ..

Brother Paul,
Many a morning in my time of prayer your CD is playing in the background. When the brother prays before "Halelujah to My King" I feel the presence of God in a powerful way. Thanks for making this CD. You are a blessing!
Steve Lehmann

GOD IS FAITHFUL … WE ARE NOT
ON 15 AUGUST 1975, I WAS BORN AGAIN. WHAT LED UP TO IT, IS QUITE REMARKABLE.
THREE WEEKS PRIOR TO THE INCIDENT, I HAD HAD AN OUT-OF-BODY EXPERIENCE WHICH SHOCKED ME TERRIBLY. I HAD BEEN INVOLVED IN MARTIAL ARTS AND ASTRAL TRAVEL AND OTHER EASTERN MYSTICISM FOR QUITE A WHILE. I USED ASTRAL TRAVEL TO GO INTO A TRANCE-LIKE STATE AND FORCE MY SPIRIT OUT OF MY BODY TO ROAM FREELY AT WILL. I USED TO INFLUENCE PEOPLE IN THIS WAY AND EVEN TO KEEP TABS ON MY MOTHER. SHE WAS LIVING IN WELKOM IN THE FREE STATE AT THE TIME AND I WAS AT ATLAS AIRCRAFT CORPORATION IN KEMPTON PARK IN GAUTENG. I THOUGHT THAT WHAT I WAS DOING WAS VERY ENLIGHTENING AND SPECIAL. HOW WRONG I WAS.
THE EVENING OF THE INCIDENT I WAS JUST LEAVING MY BODY WHEN I HAPPENED TO TURN OVER AND LOOK BACK AT MY BODY. NORMALLY WHILE TRAVELLING EVERYTHING WAS IN A SORT OF HAZE WITH NOT MUCH VISIBILITY OR COLOUR, BUT THAT NIGHT IT WAS AS CLEAR AS DAY. I SAW MY SILVER CORD ATTACHED TO MY BODY, BUT THAT WASN’T WHAT SHOCKED ME.
THERE WERE THREE OF THE MOST GROTESQUE BEINGS I HAD EVER SEEN TRYING TO GET INTO MY BODY. I GOT SUCH A FRIGHT THAT I SNAPPED BACK INTO MY BODY AND ON THROUGH IT. THERE I LAY BELOW THE BED, UNDER MY BODY AND STRUGGLING TO GET BACK IN. AT THE BEST OF TIMES IT WAS NOT PLEASANT GETTING BACK IN, SORT OF LIKE PUTTING ON A WET COSTUME, BUT THIS TIME IT WAS AS IF MY BODY HAD SHRUNK. I EVENTUALLY GOT MYSELF REALIGNED, BUT WHEN I CAME OUT OF THE TRANCE-STATE MY BODY FELT AS IF I HAD BEEN STEAMROLLERED.
I WAS SHAKEN AND AFRAID TO SLEEP AND THE NEXT THREE WEEKS PASSED SLOWLY. DURING THE THIRD WEEK MY EVENING-JOB BOSS (I WAS A TICKET-TAKER/BOUNCER AT A MOVIE-HOUSE), INVITED TWO OF MY BUDDIES AND MYSELF TO A CHURCH SERVICE IN THE GERMISTON PENTECOSTAL PROTESTANT CHURCH. WE, “AFRAID OF NOTHING”, AGREED TO GO. FRANK EVEN CAME TO PICK US UP AT THE ATLAS SINGLE QUARTERS.
WHEN WE GOT TO THE CHURCH EVERYONE WAS IN THEIR SUNDAY BEST AND WE WERE IN DENIM. ON TOP OF THAT WE ALL THREE HAD HAIR DOWN OUR BACKS (IN THE FRONT MY HAIR HUNG BELOW MY DENIM SHIRT’S POCKETS AND AT THE BACK TO WITHIN A HANDSPAN OF MY BELT). NO-ONE TOOK A SECOND LOOK. I WAS ALREADY AMAZED … ALL OTHER “CHRISTIANS” I HAD MET BEFORE WERE VERY JUDGEMENTAL AND PREJUDICED ABOUT OUR LOOKS … BUT THE BEST WAS TO COME. THE MUSIC WAS TREMENDOUS, THE SONGS WERE POWERFUL AND THE PREACHER SPOKE AS IF HE WAS SPEAKING DIRECTLY TO ME. I HAD NEVER EXPERIENCED ANYTHING LIKE IT BEFORE.
I FOUND MYSELF CLINGING TO THE SEAT OF THE PEW WITH BOTH HANDS LONG BEFORE THE ALTAR CALL AND WHEN I HEARD IT I SAID TO MYSELF: “NO WAY AM I GOING TO ANSWER SUCH A CALL TO LET EVERYONE, A BUNCH OF STRANGERS HEAR ME SAY THAT I WAS A SINNER WHO NEEDED SALVATION”. WHAT I DIDN’T REALIZE WAS THAT THE TEARS WERE STREAMING DOWN MY FACE BY THIS TIME, HOLY SPIRIT WORKING IN MY SPIRIT AND THE NEXT THING I FOUND MYSELF ON MY KNEES IN THE FRONT OF THE CHURCH WITH SUCH A FEELING OF PEACE AND FREEDOM AND THANKFULNESS IN MY HEART. I HAD ALREADY PRAYED THE PRAYER OF SALVATION WITH SOMEONE AND JUMPED TO MY FEET EYES STREAMING, ARMS OUTSTRETCHED, RAISED IN ADORATION TO MY NEW KING, JESUS. WHAT A RUSH.
THE DOWN SIDE OF COURSE, IS THAT BETWEEN THEN AND NOW, A LOT OF WATER HAS PASSED UNDER THE BRIDGE AND I DID NOT REMAIN FAITHFUL AND ACTUALLY BACKSLID TERRIBLY UNTIL JUST UNDER THREE YEARS AGO, WHEN WE RAN INTO THIS COMMUNITY OF ST MARK’S AT THE ROCKLANDS FAMILY WEEKEND.
AT FIRST I FELT VERY GUILTY AND SAD AT THE LOSS OF TIME DURING MY SECOND LIFE, BUT MY SPIRIT WAS QUICKENED AND HOLY SPIRIT CONFIRMED IT, WHEN A VERY WISE LADY SAID TO ME THAT THE TIME IN THE WORLD WAS NOT LOST TIME, BUT GROWING TIME WHEREIN THE LORD WAS PREPARING ME FOR THIS TIME IN MY LIFE AND THAT HE HAS GIVEN BACK TO ME THAT WHAT THE LOCUSTS HAD DESTROYED. SHE WAS RIGHT AND I HAVE FOUND A COUPLE OF SPOTS WHERE I TRULY FIT IN AND FIND MYSELF OF USE TO THE BODY OF CHRIST HERE AT ST MARK’S.
PRAISE AND THANKS TO GOD, OUR FATHER, FOR THE COMMUNITY OF ST MARK’S. WHEN WE AS A FAMILY NEEDED A SPIRITUAL HOME WE LANDED ON YOUR DOORSTEP AND THANKS TO YOUR WARMTH AND LOVING WELCOME, WE’VE STAYED. THANK YOU ALL AND GOD RICHLY BLESS YOUR GOING OUT AND YOUR COMING IN, TILL HE COMES AGAIN.
THE REST WILL COME IN A FUTURE TESTIMONY.
BOBBY VISSER

... One more thing, the website that I didn't completely type in is; ... drgrantmullen ... . He's the doctor specializing in mental illness, and mood disorders. His website is an excellent resource! Thanks so much for your patience, and understanding.

... I'd just like to add, that God has delivered me from sexual promiscuity, struggles with my sexuality, and smoking! He has yet to deliver me from food addiction, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, as well as Bi-Polar disorder. I have learned like most things in life, it is all a process, that's well worth the wait, He (God), is faithful!! Be encouraged to know that," ALL things work for the good of those who love Him, and are called according to His purpose!" <Romans 8:28
Also, know that there is no shame in taking prescribed medications. God is a creative God, who are we to limit Him? If you would like more information on mental illness, and mood disorders from a credible, reputable Christian source, visit ... dr.grantmullen ... . If you, or anyone you know, is dealing with a mental illness, know that you are not alone, that it is not your fault, and like glasses, when you have problems with your sight, there's no shame in wearing them. Like medication, if they are prescribed for you, by a medical professional, to correct any chemical imbalances, there is no shame in taking them! I'll leave you with this thought; "There is therefore now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

I grew up in a really dysfunctional home. My father was a raging alcoholic, my mother; a passive ppl. pleaser. My dad drank, and smoked dope regularly. Growing up, I remember that he would always have a stream of 'shady' characters, ( that he considered his friends), streaming in and out of the house. I just remember my mom, my sister, and I living in a constant state of fear and uncertainty, we were always treading carefully, afraid to step on any landmines, (as far as my dad was concerned). I personally remember times, when my head would get slammed into a wall, or a stair. I can't stand painting such an ugly picture of my father, but that was just the way he was back then - the good stuff will follow a little later. I also remember him saying that I was useless, I wouldn't amt. to anything, and that I wouldn't make it past gr. eight.
Unfortunately, because my dad wasn't emotionally supportive, or there to protect me from predatorial males, I was raped by the age of 13, I was also raped 3 more times, up until my early 20's. Consequently, I became very promiscuous, throughout my teens, and into my 20's. I have struggled some with my sexuality as well. I was first taken into the school bathroom, by a girl in gr. eight, when I was in gr. two. I experienced my first kiss, (from a girl who was nine, I was nine also at the time).
I ended up dating a boy at around 16, who got me pregnant. I discussed with him, what he wanted to do, (concerning this pregnancy). He didn't want anything to do with the baby. Consequently, the baby was aborted. Needless to say, I was in and out of unhealthy, codependent relationships, from my teens, and into my late 20's.
I'm jumping around a little bit, I apologize. At the age of nine, I had my first beer, at age 12, I started smoking cigarettes. At around age 13, I had my first joint. I remember smoking a joint, laced with cocaine, in my early 20's. This sounds a little cliche in Christian circles, however, if it hadn't have been for God's awesome mercy and grace, I would've developed an alcohol, and drug addiction. Aside from the handful of times, that I've abused each substance; the attempts that Satan had made to derail God's purpose for my life, with addiction, remain unsuccessful!! Again, a testament to God's sovereign hand.
I also remember my dad making comments about my weight at times, growing up. The funny thing was, is that I honestly didn't struggle with weight issues, until my early 20's. However, I did struggle, (and still do), with self-esteem, and self-image issues. For a short period, of a few months, at the age of 12, I struggled with anorexia nervosa. I remember during that time, chewing nothing but gumballs, and drinking milk and water.
Now, the good stuff. At the age of 19, I ended up becoming homeless for three weeks.
For those three wks., minus a day, I called the Mustard Seed Street church in Calgary, AB, my home. It was there that I was introduced to a wonderful outreach worker, by the name of Yana. She was the lady that ultimately lead me to the Lord, Jesus Christ. That was in the summer of 1995. I'll tell you, after I prayed the sinner's prayer, nothing could compare to the incredible feedom I felt, from the many burdens, and sins, that had been lifted off of me. At that moment, my name was written in the Lamb's book of life, God's unmerited favor was placed apon me, and I had recieved the free gift of salvation, (an eternity ever present with the Lord).
Since 1995, I have definately had my share of struggles, but I wouldn't trade making the most important choice, of accepting God's free gift of salvation, for anything!! Since that fateful summer, in 1995, I have seen the miraculous birth of my beautiful son, Brayden, (Bradybear). I have also seen my dad walk away from the use of alcohol, (it's been 4 years now). All is not perfect, he, (along with most of the rest of my family), has yet to accept God's free gift of salvation, as well to stop smoking dope, (my dad, that is). All is not lost, the Lord is willing that none perish. Thankfully, there is still time, and a priceless commodity called prayer left in the arsenal!
All glory and honour to God. For now, always persevere, never give up hope, trust in God. He will never let you down!!!!! Erin :D